Rucking Hell!: Slow News Day - Olympic 7s Dream Team

In the wake of Olympic-fever that has swept the nation, there have been two bit of rugby ‘news’ (the inverted commas due to sports journalism revolving around creating the news, rather than simply reporting anything that happens of its own accord) in the last week relating to candidates for GB’s Rugby 7’s squad for Rio 2016.

Firstly Sir Clive Woodward (saviour of English Rugby, destroyer of Lions Rugby) tipping Wales freak George North to play in the tournament. Woodward’s suggestion was then followed by Ben Foden, stating he would bend over backwards to be involved.  This got me thinking about what 7s would be like if full internationals players were involved.

I’m deliberately getting carried away with this idea, since I can’t see the people who pay players’ wages (clubs/countries) allowing their top stars to miss matches and risk injury over a part of the game that is generally considered a bit of fun.  But how good would it be if we could watch, just once every 4 years, attacking players of the calibre of North and Foden compete in 7s against the likes of Cory Jane, Bryan Habana and Digby Ioane?

Surely this would provide a great advert for Rugby Union on the world stage the Olympics provides.  Equally, a chance to compete in the Olympics must be something that elite players would jump at. So, here is to a few major countries working out a way for a few of their pretty boys to have a 7s sabbatical in 2016.

In the same vain as the rest of this optimistic post, here’s my Team GB 7s dream team:

1. Jamie Roberts
2. Justin Tipuric
3. Stephen Ferris
4. Ben Foden
5. Manu Tuilagi
6. Tim Visser
7. George North

Do you agree? Who would you pick?

Rucking Hell!: The World's Greatest Administrators

In the United States of America, if you are a millionaire with a penchant for the public spotlight, you run for President. Romney is a notorious tax dodger with millions of un-taxable US dollars hiding in the Cayman Islands and other such exotic retreats. Recent leaks and scandals have proven that Romney is not only stinking rich, but is also a bigot who is constantly saying the wrong things.

Surely there must be another, more suitable job that Mitt could be applying for.

Luckily for him, there is such a job where applicants must:

• Have enormous personal wealth that you are willing to spend lavishly without concern

• Candidates must have bigoted, single minded and ridiculous opinions

• Finally, candidates must be willing to share these opinions with the world

The French have never liked their politicians, so the stupid(ly) rich spend their money on something else - they buy rugby clubs. 

If you think that recent Romney gaffes have been entertaining, then the horrendously wealthy and the stunningly entertaining French rugby administrators are in a league of their own.

In January of this year, Toulon suffered an unfortunate defeat to close rivals Clermont Auvergne. After the match, outspoken President Mourad Boudjellal had this to say:

"I had my first referee ring sodomy in the [2010] semi-final against Clermont. I've just had my second tonight".

"It appeared to hurt the first time but it was just as bad this time. We will review the images not on Youtube but on YouPorn. Clermont are a great team. They did not need it."

On Friday, Welsh scrum half Mike Phillips was indefinitely banned by his club Bayonne for a breach of club rules. Club president Alain Afflelou was not shy to publicly admonish his star player:

"This is unacceptable and not worthy of a professional player...He will not play again until further notice and we will also punish him financially. This is not the first time and we are sick of it. It's shameful...if they carry on behaving like spoiled children, they will no longer wear the shirt of this club."

Despite being "disgusted" by Phillips' behaviour, it was announced on Monday that Phillips' indefinite ban had been lifted already, belying the apparent severity of his crimes and his boss' comments.

There is no doubt about it, French rugby administrators are some of the most entertaining men in the world. When they are not pouring their money into huge signings, they are still making the headlines and with the Heineken Cup just a few weeks away and the future of the tournament still in jeopardy, expect the men with the large cheque books and even larger mouths to be dispensing their opinions to anyone with a dictaphone.

Rucking Hell!: Wilko right for the Lions - at least for now

Anyone who listens to me ramble away about rugby knows that a few days ago, I touted Jonny Wilkinson for a spot in Warren Gatland's Lions squad. The next day, Gatland announced that Wilkinson was still in the frame for the tour next June.

When I named Jonny Wilkinson in my Lions squad, it was done with a wry smile and very little conviction. Having long since retired from the international game, Wilkinson has found a new home in Toulon where the climate and winning ways have prolonged his once injury-blighted career but removed him from the public spotlight. It has always been thought that Jonny's days on the big, international stage were over. Warren Gatland appears to have a different idea.

There are three (good) reasons why Gatland has publicly given Wilkinson a shot at making the tour...

1. On the Pitch

According to universal speculation, Jonny Sexton is currently in the driving seat for the Lions fly-half jersey. Having led Leinster to incredible European and domestic success, it is probably just reward that the Irish pivot starts as favourite for the shirt. Behind Sexton however, there is not much else to get excited about. Welsh fly-half Rhys Priestland has done his very best to prove to the world and his coaches that the World Cup was in fact a flash-in-the-pan. Owen Farrell is brave and composed, but away from the kicking tee, fails to offer anything in attack and Laidlaw is a scrum-half doing his best to fill a horrible void in Scottish rugby. Toby Flood is still not the player he once was and whilst he struggles to find form, the young pretender, George Ford, remains untested and probably undersized.

Whilst the competition is currently uninspiring, the rest of the Lions' squad appears to fit Jonny's style. Looking at the possible Lions midfield, you can assume that Manu Tuilagi (110kg), Jamie Roberts (110kg), Jonathan Davies (104kg), Brian O'Driscoll and AN Other will make up the travelling party. With so much size and quality in midfield, both the Test and midweek fly-half's role will be to distribute to a destructive centre pairing. Aside from that, their responsibilities will be kicking and tackling - both of which are skills that Wilkinson has in abundance.

Come June, there is a very good likelihood that Wilkinson will not be in the Lions squad. At the moment, however, there are some very good reasons why he should be.

2. The Tom Prydie Experiment

Warren Gatland likes to play mind games - Dylan Hartley knows all about them. It's not just the opposition that the New Zealander likes to wind-up. In 2010, Warren Gatland named 17 year old Tom Prydie on the wing for Wales to face Italy despite the youngster having played just seven minutes for the Ospreys. Having never even spoken to the winger, his shock inclusion acted as the proverbial kick up the backside for wingers across Wales. At the time, the Wales squad was (Shane Williams aside) short of quality on the wing. By ignoring the wealth of average wingers and plucking Prydie out of anonymity and childhood, Gatland attempted to spark Welsh speedsters into actions.

Whether or not this experiment worked, there is evidence that suggests that Gatland's mind games do have their rewards. Wales currently have one of the world's premier wingers, George North, and one of Europe's most improved wingers, Alex Cuthbert, as well as former B&I Lion, Leigh Halfpenny.

It is more than likely that the Wilkinson suggestion was, like the Tom Prydie experiment, a challenge to all the British and Irish fly-halves to stake their claim for the tour. By suggesting that Wilko was currently a top-three British fly-half, despite having retired, was a clear indication that Priestland, Farrell, Flood and co. desperately need to find some form or be left at home.

3. The Wilko Effect

There is evidence that the Australians fear Jonny Wilkinson. The 2007 World Cup quarter-final goes some way to prove this. As does this...

Rucking Hell!: Aviva Premiership 2013 Predictions

The Aviva Premiership season has begun. We wrote these predictions a few days ago, but our lack of professionalism means we’re publishing them after the first round. We have been known to get our predictions wrong in the past, but we are giving it another go!

Let us know what you think! Have we underrated your team? Or do you think we have got it spot on? We think it is going to be a really close year with a lot of teams fighting for Heineken Cup places. There has been a lot of player and coach movement over the summer, not to mention a whole host of new rules, making predictions even harder. 

Whoever you support, the first weekend has shown that this year is going to be tight!

            1.     Leicester Tigers

The Tigers are notoriously slow starters in post-World Cup years, which explains their unconvincing start at the beginning of last season. Last year’s finalists have had another solid off-season bringing in Fijian winger Goneva and Worcester’s Miles Benjamin to replace outbound Tuilagi and Agulla. Richard Thorpe will give greater depth in the back-row whilst Jordan Crane and Louis Deacon should return from lengthy spells on the side-line. With Castro, Cole and Ayerza in the front row, Leicester have the three best props in the English game. No other team can compete at scrum time and with the implementation of the new rules, this should be a decisive factor. A backline still boasting Manu Tuilagi will always be dangerous whilst the likes of Matt Smith and George Ford should steady the ship during the Six Nations. Having lost two consecutive finals, the Tigers will think they’re about due a trophy.

            2.    Saracens

Whilst the signing of Chris Ashton and the construction of the new Allianz stadium have dominated the headlines (thanks to the ever busy Saracens PR team), the slow return of Jacques Burger and Kelly Brown from injury should allow Sarries another good shot at the title. Injuries to Brown, Burger, Saull and Joubert crippled the Saracens back-row last season, prematurely ending any hope the Men in Black had of defending their title. Saracens have had an unusually subdued off-season in regards to signings, but have strengthened their pack with a handful of useful forwards. As always, a lot of pressure will be on Schalk Brits to make anything happen in attack, but expect large contributions from Alex Goode from fullback if Saracens are going to score any tries. With a huge squad, Saracens look prepared for a long and gruelling season and they should go very deep in the playoffs.

            3.    Northampton

Goodbye Chris Ashton!! Losing Ashton shouldn’t be too big of a blow for Saints. Perhaps bigger losses were Irish duo Rodger Wilson and James Downey, both of whom optimised stability and reliability in the Saints team. Northampton still have their big front-row and with the return of Tom Wood in the back-row and Courtney Lawes from injury means they should be very competitive. The Pisi brothers and Ben Foden will test defences and make Northampton dangerous. However, we think it's going to be another frustrating season for Northampton. They will make it to the playoffs, but fans will have to be content with another season full of optimism that falls short of expectations.

            4.    Harlequins

Quins made an incredible start to last season, which was impetus enough to win the title. Losing only one first team player to the World Cup was a huge advantage and you cannot underestimate the value of a full pre-season. They will find it a lot harder this year, especially as teams start to read their sometimes one-dimensional lineout and loose offloading game. However, with James Johnston (138kg) and Ollie Kohn (138kg) in the scrum, teams are going to find it hard to shift the Quins pack. With Nick Evans at fly-half, Harlequins still have a world-class player who will guarantee them points on the board all season. Once they’ve made the playoffs, they will have a chance to repeat championships, but it will not be as easy as it was last year.

            5.    Bath

With Gary Gold at the helm, Bath are going to improve dramatically on repeated poor seasons. At the end of last season, Gold performed miracles at Newcastle and almost saved them from what seemed like certain relegation. Bath have assembled a squad of promising players who have yet to reach their potential; Dave Attwood, Carl Fearns and Nathan Catt are all young English players who could be pushing for regular England places but as of yet, have failed to consistently deliver. Gold will demand brutal consistency, especially from his forwards, and given his record at Newcastle (three wins and a draw in six games), we predict results. Expect Banahan in the centres and the forwards rumbling in true South African style. With a South African at number 8 and a South African at scrum-half, do not expect too many tries from Bath wingers.

            6.   Exeter Chiefs

Rob Baxter is one of the best coaches in the game and his Exeter side are improving every year. What they lack in house-hold names, they make up for with forward dominance, excellent coaching and a never-say-die attitude. They still need a few more pieces to push for the play-offs, but with new signing Dean Mumm, they demonstrated that they are thinking big. Expect Sandy Park to become a fortress this season and future signings will push them into the top 4 in the very near future.

            7.    Sale Sharks

A marquee off-season saw Steve Diamond move the Sharks from Sale, to Salford. He brought in a new coach and a handful of big signings including the return of Danny Cipriani and the awesome Richie Gray. Whilst Cipriani will take a while to settle (if he ever does), Richie Gray will make an instant impact. The enormous lock was excellent in pre-season and looks set to further cement his Lions starting shirt. Sale have continued to sign solid players to compliment their marquee signings whilst developing exciting youngsters. Diamond has big plans for the club, but any successes off the pitch will come from strong showings on the pitch. Head coach Brian Redpath will need to deliver results and Diamond is impatient to breach the top four. This year is a season too soon in our opinion, but with Gray in the boiler room, Sale will be dangerous and will take plenty of scalps.

            8.    Gloucester

There has been plenty of change at Kingsholm over the summer. After RedpathGate at the end of last season, Gloucester will be keen to move on under Nigel Davies. The Welshman is known for developing young backline players so expect big seasons from Burns, Trinder and May. The Cherry and Whites are looking a little short on the ground in terms of quality forwards however and over a long season, they will be hard pushed to keep pace with deeper squads. Ben Morgan and Jimmy Cowan will provide plenty of optimism in the Shed and Gloucester will be a tough game for any opponent.

            9.    Wasps

So, they survived. There were times over the last few months where the existence of the famous London club was hanging by a thread. But they’re in the Premiership and they have a new owner who has enough money to keep them afloat. And we think that they’re going to improve. The Hask is back and so is Tom Palmer. Exciting youngsters Billy Vunipola, Joe Launchberry, Christian Wade and Elliot Daley will provide plenty of spark this season. They are complimented by seasoned campaginers like Wentzel, Stephen Jones and Andrea Masi. However, Wasps will have two major hurdles that look likely to inhibit their immediate progress. The first is their weak front row. Dai Young is reluctant to invest in props and Tim Payne looks set for another difficult year. The second problem Wasps face is their lack of depth. If the injury list starts to grow as it did last year, they could start to struggle. One thing is for sure, they will not be in the same relegation battle they faced last season. If everyone stays fit, Wasps could finish even higher, but for now, ninth looks like slow and steady progress back to the top.

            10.     London Irish

There’s not a lot for Irish fans to get excited about this season. If anything, they’ve gone backwards – literally. Brian Smith has returned to be reappointed as head coach and Shane Geraghty has returned to have another crack at outside-half. All the Armitage brothers have now left for sunnier pastures whilst Richard Thorpe and Daniel Bowden moved to the Tigers. A lot of pressure will be on Geraghty and new signing Ian Humphries to direct traffic whilst Alex Corbiciero’s improvement on the international stage should translate to the Premiership making the Irish scrum a reliable operator. George Skivington will provide much needed bulk to the pack and Jonathan Joseph will be exciting. But Irish will struggle for quality and consistency all season and their forwards look light on the ground. It’s a good job Shaun Edwards hasn’t got any hair left to pull out because we reckon it’s going to be a frustrating season for the Irish.

            11.     Worcester Warriors

Despite predicting that they will come eleventh, we don’t think that Worcester will struggle too much. They have a very combative first XV and some incredibly talented young players. Openside Matt Kvesic looks likely to become an excellent player whilst Matt Mullan continues to impress. Worcester do not possess much quality however and were sad to lose both Garvey and Benjamin in the off-season. New arrivals Nikki Walker and David Lemi will score enough tires to keep the Warriors safe, but any genuine progress up the table will require greater quality in the half-backs.

            12.    London Welsh

Can London Welsh survive? Yes. Will they survive? Probably not. But, they will take some scalps on the way down. Any team that underestimates the Welsh will probably regret it. The Premiership new boys have enough courageous forwards, enough large Islanders and just enough quality in the back-line to cause more than a few upsets. Make no mistake, this is Gavin Henson’s last shot at top-flight rugby, but Lynn Jones is the man who developed Henson at the Ospreys. If Henson gets back to his best, he might give Welsh some hope. Expect a lot of courage and who knows, rugby is an incredible game and this could just be the fairy-tale story that we all long for.

Rucking Hell!: Wounded Wallabies

The poor Wallabies have just been thrashed 22-0 by the All Blacks, capping off a miserable week for Australian coach Robbie Deans. During the build-up to the game, former Australian coach Alan Jones declared that Deans was not up to the job; saying "our team is badly coached, there's no other way of putting it". Saturday's result will have done nothing to silence the growing number of vultures circling around the Australian dressing room.

But, as I said in our 'controversial' podcast, I have always felt a great deal of sympathy towards the New Zealand born coach. There is no doubt that Australia are currently struggling for both performances and results. Their impressive series win over Wales merely papered over the growing cracks. Whilst many people are willing to throw their hat into the ring and blame the head coach, the scrum or the players; the most obvious reason for Australia's current situation is their abundance of injuries to essential players - and horrible lack of depth.

Whilst it's incredibly easy to blame injuries for a team's bad performance, poor Robbie Deans is constantly being battered by shattering injury blows. When Deans has a healthy squad to choose from, he produces good performances, and more importantly, good results. In 2010, Australia won the Bledisloe Cup, becoming the only team to beat New Zealand all year. They backed this up with a third place finish at the Rugby World Cup -  a marked improvement from their disappointing 2007 World Cup quarter final defeat to England.

Deans has also been responsible for the development of players such as Quade Cooper, James O'Connor, David Pocock and James Horwill; from talented youngsters to World Class international superstars - the problem is, they're all injured. (Cooper may as well be after today's no-show)

The difficulty Deans faces is now obvious. Yes, the Australian scrum is still a shambles and yes, they kick too much. But, in a country like Australia where Union is the third/fourth sport and depth in squad is negligible, he simply cannot afford to lose so many world class players.

It is becoming increasingly likely that this will be Robbie Deans' first and last Rugby Championship as Australian head coach. Whilst the ARU have always pledged their support, their is a growing  restlessness surrounding the current squad and performances. Whilst this is understandable, if Robbie Deans is sacked, he will be left asking be asking himself - "what could I have done differently?".

Short of wrapping his most important players in cotton wool - not a lot.

LiveStrong

Like every other child growing up, I learnt the hard way not to believe everything I was told; the very people and institutions that children hold so dear are eventually taken away from them in the process universally referred to as ‘growing up’.  Santa, the Tooth Fairy and Disney for Jewish kids are eventually revealed as frauds; forcing children to reassess their views about the once simple world they inhabited and start forming their own cynical opinions.

This is a process that all children go through. But, what are you meant to do when, as an adult, it happens again?

After St. Nick was revealed as a fraud, I was forced to reassess what it was I could trust - and two things have always stuck with me. The first was that man landed on the moon and the second was that Lance Armstrong defeated cancer and then repeatedly won the Tour de France throughout my young life.

On the 24^th August 2012 it was announced that Lance Armstrong would no longer fight doping charges and would be stripped of all seven Tour titles and banned (in retirement) from ever cycling again. Despite having never tested positive, it is now almost universally believed that Armstrong not only cheated the system (interesting article here about how) but was also the ‘ring-leader’ amongst the cycling-doping-community. Assuming Armstrong loses his titles, there will ensue a ridiculous process of finding someone to take them who hasn’t already been banned/accused of doping.

But, another childhood idol has fallen and once more I am forced to reassess the things I was so sure of. If (arguably) the greatest athlete of my lifetime was a cheat then the cynical world view that we're forced to adopt as children is once more, shoved into our faces like a clown in a really depressing circus.

That leaves just one childhood conviction left: that man did in fact land on the moon. Having never believed in the conspiracy theories, I have never had reason to doubt that Neil Armstrong did make that giant leap for mankind. In a saddening and twisted turn of fait, just one day after his namesake gave up his battle, Neil Armstrong passed away. With him, he took the truth about the moon.

But, whilst there is cause to now disbelieve what we considered fact, to revel in Lance’s downfall is to forget what the Armstrong’s have achieved. He did defeat cancer and did achieve incredible things. Neil Armstrong has inspired, and will continue to inspire generations of people who look to the sky and realise that their existence and their possibilities are endless.

You're so Cool - Tony Scott (21 June 1944 – 19 August 2012)

A small tribute to the awesome Tony Scott.

True Romance (1993)

Watch Out!! This is brutal - but an incredible film

Man on Fire (2004)

Indian Summers and Dark Nights

Okay, we made our predictions and we even made a podcast. And we got it wrong, really wrong.

We thought we were the heroes Gotham needed, but we weren’t, so we went underground and re-gathered our thoughts.

Along with the feeling of embarrassment inflicted by Mike Harris’ last minute conversion against Wales and Ireland’s close call in the second test against the All Blacks, I was further frustrated and baffled by my complete lack of computing skills. The podcast, the source of TCI’s embarrassment, insisted on playing every time the website was loaded, meaning that any unsuspecting visitor was rudely subjected to our (inaccurate) opinions. But we’re slowly getting back on the proverbial horse.

The Summer Internationals were a wake up call for us and for Wales. Whether it was cowardice or inexperience, the whitewash was horribly disappointing. England battled as hard as ever in the final test against South Africa and were rewarded with a great draw and Ireland were never really at the races. Their close call in Christchurch against the All Blacks was admirable but due to the All Blacks’ sloppiness and inaccuracy rather than latent Irish ability (see the third test for more details).

With a rugby season coming to a close in the South and starting again in the North, we (hope) to stick with it this time and keep our ill-informed and inaccurate opinions flowing. But, if rugby has taught me anything it is that there is far more to life than slating Berrick Barnes (sorry).

I went to India. I’ve been told that people go there to find themselves: spiritually, romantically, intensely. Indeed, TCI found itself new life in the most unexpected of places - its very own Indian Summer. Lying in an air-conditioned bedroom, rendered useless by unforgiving dysentery, I watched Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight and was giddy with excitement after Gordon’s final speech. So, braving the liquid excrement I dragged myself to the local shopping mall to watch the last instalment of Nolan's trilogy. Needless to say, Batman comes back and kicksass, so that’s what we’re doing. The Dark Knights of amateur blogging.

Disagree with us, slate us and hunt us ('cos we can take it), but most of all, just keep reading us. That way, one day, we might make some money. Like JC, Bruce Wayne and Eminem, we’re back with a brand new rap.